Well we talked and it was a bit long and lead to a bit of a rabbit hole, but we are straight now.
We wentt to Rome yesterday and I was thinking about how much I love the way The Man is so protective. He holds my hand everywhere. He looks to see where I"m at all the time. He tells me when to cross the street and to watch my step.
I was thinking about how some women would hate it. Some women would be like, oh my gosh, I can cross the street all by myself thank you! But not me. I don't see it as Him thinking I'm incapable, I see it as Him needing His piece of mind that I'm safe. I love that He loves me that much. I love that worries over me. I love that I am that important to The Man.
I know that some women would resent being controlled, watched over, constantly told what to do. I know some would hate asking permission for everything and being held accountable. I know some women would feel suffocated. I don't. I love the way He loves me. I love that it doesn't matter what it is, He is going to make sure that we are okay. That I am okay. That nothing happens to me, and nothing happens to us. I rely on it. I rely on His ability to say no because that would endanger what we have, or you, or some other thing.... even when my knee jerk reaction is to not like it, or to disagree with His call on it... He still says no. He still insists that we don't take any steps that might damage us. Part of that, in His mind, is making sure that nothing happens to me because if something happened to me, then obviously something would happen to us. It's part and parcel and I adore it.
Submission is hard sometimes because it means letting go of what you think, or what you want, or what you like, or your sense of independence. I think for me, the sense of being dependant is probably the hardest thing of all to constantly adjust to..... it scares me how lost I would be without Him, without us. Yet, what scares me more is missing out on a piece of us because I was too scared to take His hand, and let Him guide me across the road. So I let go, again and again, I let go and I trust in Him and then I wonder what I was even trying to hold onto in the first place because being wrapped up in His protective spirit of "us" is my favorite place to be.