I hate those things. I hate the idea that is constantly sold to us, as women, that we can not be happy as a wife, as a mother. I hate the idea that was propagated to me, and that I bought into, that I had to be something more in order to be fulfilled.
I was in constant conflict because all I wanted to be was a wife and a mother, and that meant that I didn't want to be enough. I hated the desire within to be a submissive wife because that's an idea that is openly scoffed at and ridiculed.
You have to be strong and independent and in charge. You have to keep yourself emotionally protected, even from, especially from, your husband. Being submissive in any environment is not acceptable, but especially not in marriage. It means you are a doormat. It means you aren't interesting. It means you aren't happy, but rather plodding along in misery. And most important of all, is that men don't want a submissive wife because they are all of those things. Who wants to be married to a doormat? What's interesting and stimulating about that? Men want a challenge! Men respect you for screaming, er I mean, telling them how wrong they are all of the time, and showing them how right you are all of the time. Really, that's how it works.
Chasing vapors... that's what the Man calls it. Those moments when I think, when I fall back on the idea, that I might be... omg... gasp... boring. I mean I just do what He tells me to do. I just ask questions when He's making a decision and then I let it go when He decides. I don't argue with Him. I don't get mad at Him, I just...... trust Him. I must be boring. I must be a doormat. I must be a shell of a woman. Really, everyone says so! It must be true!
Only He doesn't think I'm boring. He thinks I'm wonderful. He thinks the trust and faith I put in Him make Him a better Man. Being submissive and obedient to Him, makes me the most wonderful woman in the world, in His eyes. The most interesting. The one He wants by His side in all things.
I used to struggle with giving in, in part, because I was scared of not being that head strong, wild, impulsive, independent woman. Actually, I was keen on getting rid of her, but I was scared He would think I was boring. Even though it was all I really wanted.... what if it meant that I wasn't enough? Only in His eyes, me being just me.... submissive, dependant, obedient, doesn't make me less, it is in fact, the very thing that makes me more.